Host Club in Session
by Lady Abbess
Summary: Let us all take a look at a day in the Ouran Host Club.


**A/N:** Contains sexual implications and terms but that's about it (mostly it involves the twins). Blame me and my colleagues in the Student Publication for this one. During break times, we'd have dirty talks and nothing more – you know, discuss and wonder about the matters of sex. Madame Butterfly, The Witch of Portobello, Brokeback Mountain, and the Rubik's cube aren't mine.

**Ouran High School Host Club**

**One-shot**

**Theme:** Afternoon

**Character/s:** Host Club, Renge

**Written by:** Lady Abbess

**Message:** Read, review and enjoy!

**Standard Disclaimer Applied**

-

-

-

**Prologue**

-

-

-

An opera as dramatic as _Madame Butterfly _was something that catches her heart and makes her swoon. Renge decided that Giacomo Puccini was a genius of some sort and worshipped him – also Pierre Loti, whose novel, _Madame Chrysantheme_, was made basis of it.

She looked about, breathed deep, and began telling the story of Cio-Cio-San (Madame Butterfly) to her giggly, bright-eyed mainly female audience.

Of all the Hosts in the Third Music Room, only Tamaki the King joined in their little group and even by this, the customers, of course, were thrilled.

Imagine what would happen if all of them dropped by to listen!

"Cio-Cio-San was a former geisha girl, 15 years old, when she was married to American naval lieutenant Benjamin Franklin Pinkerton, as the man had arranged with the Japanese marriage broker, Gozo. She was in love with him, and, as Pinkerton had claimed, was sure her husband loved her so too." She started and watched the interested expressions on each of the faces in front of her.

And so she continued.

-

-

-

A man of statistics, data and profit would normally take no interest in trivial things such as what Renge and the others were occupying themselves in, but seeing that it had gone on for the past days and earned interestingly high gains from it, he let it continue.

He had already recorded that there are girls who enjoyed literature of the romantic sorts.

With his glasses catching light, he passed by the group on his way to stop the scene the 'brotherly love' twins were causing as they went on with an incredibly disturbing reenactment of Brokeback Mountain and started talking about anal intercourse.

"Oh my, Hikaru-kun, it would be embarrassing if we do it in public…" Kaoru faked a blush and stammer.

Hikaru had casually wrapped his arms around his twin. "Does that mean you would rather if we do it in private? Why, what a naughty rascal you are, my dear brother! Believe me, ladies, when I say more than anal sex goes on in the four walls of our bedroom at home…!!!"

And that statement had done it, the girls had erupted into various decibels of squeals and some fainted with nosebleeds, obviously from too much imagination going on.

Kyouya scribbled something in his notepad and made sure to discuss the reenactment earlier – to remind the twins not to do a lip lock anymore and revert to their regulated displays of affection (DA).

-

-

-

Mori passed around plates of cakes, having sliced the mouth-watering strawberry shortcake a while ago. He made sure to be more cautious of whatever was going around inside the Third Music Room and of every word that came out of every mouth.

In the entirety of the twins' spectacle, he had covered Hunny's ears and eyes for what the twins had been doing was not something for him to witness. Yes, even if Hunny was a tad older than all of the Hosts, he had the brains, disposition and actions of a six-year old – not that Hunny was stupid, in fact, the Lolita shota was brilliant but would revert to acting and thinking childishly.

There was no need to spoil that sunny, young something within Hunny's.

But that doesn't mean that he would not think of whatever it was that Hikaru implied Kaoru and him would be doing in the bounds of their room.

It just wasn't right.

He knew they had that 'brotherly love' act but if they were doing what they said they were doing, then the proper term would be 'incest', right?

And he turned back to the twins, only to find them engaging in a game with the customers where they'd say sentences or phrases that just didn't sound good to the ears and would ignite the pervertedness in anyone.

Hm, he thought, it must be time for Hunny's nap.

-

-

-

"Push it harder," Hikaru said, and laughed when he saw the already red faces of his companions take on a deeper shade, "Neh, you must be thinking the same then? Oh, you sure do have dirty minds."

He jeered on and it was his twin's turn.

Listening to them, Kaoru mocked a cough before saying his phrase, "Oh my! It's so long and hard!!!"

And the ladies squealed more, unable to take the pervertedness of it all, making their faces more and more of a tomato but all the commotion was plainly halted when a voice cold as steel at the moment interrupted with a stern command, "Stop all of this nonsense right now."

"Aw, Kyo-chan," Hikaru imitated Hunny-senpai's nickname for the eye-glassed young man, "You're such a killjoy. Me and the ladies are having fun, neh?"

Kaoru nodded and winked, "Maybe we should play that game some other time, my dears. It looks like Kyoya-mama isn't too happy about it."

"I just would not allow any other sort of folly in this room and I suggest that you take on a lighter topic for Mori-senpai is having quite a time to keep Hunny-senpai from hearing such crude words."

-

-

-

Haruhi never really had an interest on opera (partly because she never had the opportunity to watch one) and of dirty talks (partly because the twins were the ones that started them) so she busied herself with staying in one corner of the room, sitting on an elegant-looking couch, and was paid no attention from anyone because they found either the twins or Renge or Hunny and Mori more interesting than the cute Fujioka boy that time.

Actually, she find it a bit unusual that for once in her life in Ouran, she was practically left alone to do what she wanted – she would often be asked to wear itchy costumes, be made a plaything, be squealed and ogled at, and lots of other stupid stuff – and prayed that there would be more days like it.

Now, what caught her attention was the very brain-wracking and intriguing Rubik's cube, which she had been playing with for the entire time.

It proved to be extremely at first, but now she had solved it for at least three or four times.

The only thing she might consider improving was the time she finishes her puzzling little cube.

But since Kyoya broke off the silly group of the twins', it might take a while before she could fiddle with her Rubik's cube again.

"Haru-chan!!!" Came the expected, annoying chorus and she had already looked up before she even heard it with a scowl on her face. "What now?" She asked.

"Aren't you tired of playing with the cube even for a teensy bit?" Kaoru asked.

"No."

"But, don't you want to play with us?!" Hikaru asked that time.

No."

"Won't you spend time with us, handsome young men that we are, and forget that cube?"

"No."

"Is that damn cube more interesting than us?!"

"Yes."

"Oh great, that's the only question she answered positively." Hikaru told his twin and they shared knowing looks.

"We would have to resort to using force, then." Kaoru grinned.

"Oh, I can hardly wait." She spoke with disdain in her tone.

Hikaru laughed, "Come now, Haru-chan, don't be sarcastic, we only want to play."

-

-

-

**End of Host Club session**

-

-

-

The guests have already left and only the eight of them remained inside the room, tending to whatever was left of the activities that took place. Haruhi, mostly, was the one who took care of things like cleaning because none of the others were capable of doing just that, which she particularly liked since no one dared disturb her lest they wanted to stay even longer. Kyoya refused to let them leave if even a single detail was out of order.

She swept the remains of a tea set that the twins broke when they were toying with Tamaki after Renge had finished the story that she was telling about Madame Cio-Cio-San.

Luckily, it wasn't her that broke that or it would've been added to the list of her debts.

Thank God for the Rubik's cube.

-

-

-

Renge looked on thoughtfully, contemplating Kyoya's question if she would be continuing the storytelling session that she held earlier. "Why do you ask, Kyoya-kun?"

"The ladies said that they enjoyed it and that they look forward for more." Kyoya coolly replied, scanning his notes on the progress of another day's work, "I assume that they'd be here tomorrow, hoping for more."

"What do you think they'd like?"

"I, honestly, don't quite know what to expect. I've tried my best to understand women but the best I could was to get out an inkling that I use to my advantage. You might know better, considering that you had held quite an audience a while back."

She saw his eyes flick over to the twins and knew whatever was on his mind, "I'm sure you didn't like what the twins did earlier."

"Yes, they've went too far." He frowned and added, "It seems that they are trying to test where my patience wears off."

"Ah," Renge nodded, and then looked wistfully at Haruhi, "I just wish Haruhi-kun would join us."

"If you wanted him to join your group, make sure that the story would hold his interest."

"You're right!" And suddenly, Renge became the irrational female that she was again, "Hohohoho!!! I shall ask Haruhi-kun what he likes in a story so that I may be prepared for tomorrow's ordeal!!!"

She skipped and left Kyoya with a disbelieving look on his face.

-

-

-

"Takashi," Hunny started and waved Bun-Bun in the air.

Mori looked down and greeted the small senior with a questioning look, sure that the blonde was about to ask him something. It became a habit for the young minded one to go to him when in doubt.

"Is Kyo-chan angry with Kao-chan and Hika-chan?"

"I am not sure, Mitsukuni."

"Really? Ne, do you think Haru-chan would mind if I borrow that little cube she was playing with? And what is it called? Kao-chan said that it was pretty hard to play and that only Haru-chan could solve it. Would you help me out if I can't?"

Mori sighed and thanked whoever was the god that made sure that Hunny would forget about the wayward activities the twins did earlier.

"I don't think Haruhi would mind if you wanted to borrow the Rubik's cube. I'll help you if you can't but you can also ask her if you want."

"Yay! Wait here for me, ne, Takashi?!"

He nodded and watched the little boy skip towards the rookie Host.

-

-

-

Hikaru had the most teasing smile he ever could muster in his entire life as he flourished the disks he held in his hands in front of the King's face. Even Kaoru had joined in on the jeer, mocking Tamaki that the movies they have were ones typically watched by the commoner crowd.

"Me and Kaoru personally liked these ones. You can borrow them if you like – want to watch, Tono?" He asked.

"Why exactly are you asking me to watch them?" Tamaki replied, being positively smart at the time.

"I thought you wanted to learn more about commoner culture?" Kaoru asked.

The blonde nodded and his eyes flicked to each of the title in Hikaru's hands. "They do seem to be interesting films. Most of them are about women, right?" He asked, "Will they help me understand Haruhi more?"

"If you watch them, then maybe. Who knows, it is up to the person after all."

And the twins wore mirror image grins.

"The girls do seem pretty." Tamaki conceded.

"Of course, they do. And they've got pretty bodies, don't they?"

"Yes, I suppose they do. But why is this one naked?"

And, as if it was already expected, a malevolent aura crept up behind them – with glasses flashing. "It is because they are pornography movies or porn, for short. Films that show explicit displays of intercourse or other sexual activities. Now, I wonder why you decided to show them to Tamaki."

The twins were caught red-handed and had nothing to say to defend themselves from the plight.

The blonde made a small sound and appeared to be shrinking. "I-I d-didn't know t-that they're p-porn!!!!" he sputtered.

Kyoya flashed a creepy look and said in a calm but cold voice, "Now you do, don't you, Tamaki?"

-

-

-

"Haruhi-kun!!!"

"Haru-chan!!!!"

She halted cleaning the things on a table and turned around to look at the two who called for her attention, twitching and annoyed all the while. With a fake smile on her usually placid face, she referred to both with a nod and asked what they needed from her. "I'm not sure if I could help, though."

"Oh, but I wanted to ask something about yourself, Haruhi-kun!" Renge replied quickly and, much to Haruhi's disdain, enthusiastically.

"I want to borrow your Rubik's cube, Haru-chan!!! And so does Bun-Bun!!!"

She knew she would be able to rid of Hunny quickly, as she bent down to hand the small toy to him, but was sure it would take a lot more to get Renge off her back. "What is it that you wanted to ask?"

"The girls were pretty disappointed that you didn't join our story session earlier and would like to see you tomorrow with us. I wonder what story you haven't read yet that you'd like to be discussed."

"Will you consider Guy de Maupassant's _Le Horla_?" Haruhi asked.

"Ano, but isn't that one supposed to be a horror story?" Renge blinked, a bit disappointed in the host's reading choices.

The blank look on Haruhi's face was still present while she nodded, claiming she understood, "I guess I should take that as a no, Renge," and she made a move for the pantry when Renge face-faulted and made a noise.

"Of course not, Haruhi-kun!!! I'm considering that as an option because who knows, the others might be interested in a horror story."

"Thank you for your consideration, then. I hope they like it as much they liked Brokeback Mountain."

"Ah, such romance. Love between two men surely is able to capture the interest of even the most disinterested individual!!! What do you think, Haruhi-kun?"

"I don't know – I've never watched Brokeback Mountain."

"Oh, but you must!!! I shall arrange for a movie session the next time and I shall let you watch that award-winning movie!!!"

"Uh, there's no need, Renge." She tried her best not to glare but Haruhi could not help but think that the girl was crazy.

-

-

-

**Tamaki**

-

-

-

He frowned and knew that his face was still a bright red after the twins told everyone else of their silly little quandary with Kyoya. He really never meant to, and he was stupid enough to not know that it was porn. Erotica probably, but not porn. And whoever said that every film that features female/s in skimpy clothing or none at all had to be porn. Twitching, he made an attempt to ease himself with fluffing his blonde hair a bit and looked cautiously at Kyoya, Mori and Haruhi – all seemed to share the same facial expression: disinterested but a little knowing.

-

-

-

**Kaoru and Hikaru**

-

-

-

They had a pretty good time that day – toying with their customers and Tamaki. It was the also the first time they ever tried doing something as reckless as that, especially under Ootori Kyoya's own poking, cold nose. Well, if you've ever met someone like their eye-glassed senpai, you'd think that every inch of him was made of ice. Next time, they'll try coming up with more ways of having fun that way – it felt so enjoying to be wild and dirty, they decided. Who knew that porn and sex matters could rouse so much curiosity, adversity, and chaos?

-

-

-

**Mori**

-

-

-

He knew that bringing Hunny to the Host Club that day was too much trouble. It must've been what his sixth sense was telling him, and everything went wrong when he didn't bother to listen and understand at all. Apparently, it should be his fault but no one would say that it was him who wanted the twins to reenact Brokeback Mountain and cause pandemonium. But no matter how much blame would be put on the duo, it would still be up to him to face and handle Hunny. What would be the best way to deal with his situation then? He frowned and thought of his options, wanting to steer clear of the possibility of having to teach his cousin the birds and the bees of reproduction and lovemaking.

-

-

-

**Hunny**

-

-

-

Strawberry shortcakes never ceased to delight him every time but earlier, they seemed to be given to him as a source of distraction. Mori had seemed a bit bothered and kept on readily slicing his precious cakes when normally, he'd tell Hunny when he has enough. He never understood what was going on with the twins and the other designators but it appeared to be improper because of the weird looks Kyo-chan, Tama-chan, Takashi and Haru-chan were giving them. Later, he decided as he watched Haru-chan twirl and play with a curious cube thingy, he would ask Takashi about it. Oh, he'd ask about porn, too.

-

-

-

**Haruhi**

-

-

-

Whatever was going on in the Host Club, she just wished that she would not be included in it and not have the reputation of being a total dunce. Her bag was just waiting for her to pick it up and walk out of the door, and forget being a Host then live a normal life – not that her father would make it possible. She turned and caught Tamaki staring woefully at her, as if trying to convey a message that she evidently should understand. Her eyes gazed back and there was a hint of annoyance in them, that when she looked away, the blonde scurried to his corner of woe.

-

-

-

**Renge**

-

-

-

Who knew that behind that princely personality there would be an unseen side of him, Suoh Tamaki, and that it seemed all so cliché?! A dark side she never thought she'd see revealed itself in just a matter of seconds as the words rolled diligently and jokingly out of Hikaru and Kaoru's mouth. It was a perfect doujinshi theme and perhaps she'd start a project soon when it was timely possible. She looked at everyone and finally trailed her eyes to the Host Club King, a tagline racing its way into her mind – "Suoh Tamaki, the King of Closet Perverts".

-

-

-

**Kyoya**

-

-

-

Nothing should be left unobserved; including Host Club interactions not within club session, and what proved to be interesting was the reactions given when the twins made mention of Tamaki and his orientation with porn. The twins were having a laugh out of it, Mori was dealing with a clueless Hunny, Haruhi emitted unexplainable annoyance and Renge had that strange look in her eyes. All in all, it had been a good day and if you think he entirely disagrees with the fiasco, he actually does not at all. But as much as possible, none of it should on a repeat because if it reaches the school board, even if their parents wholly rule it, the club would be in trouble and then what would happen to his brilliant plans?

-

-

-

**Epilogue**

-

-

-

Whenever she was alone, she'd often find herself quoting or thinking of lines from the books she have already read. There was a clearing of the throat, and in a low tone, she started, remembering Paulo Coelho's _The_ _Witch of Portobello_, "'We're living in an age in which everything is allowed, and democracy is being devoured and destroyed by that limitless freedom.'"

Maybe she should have asked Renge if she would consider the novel for her story-telling session. But no one would probably be interested, because nowadays people barely appreciate books and turn to more entertaining activities – music, fashion, movies, romance, etc. – and no one seems to give notice for other things – religion, modesty, chastity, purposes of living – anymore.

She shook her head and thought that it probably only was because she currently was studying in a prestigious school, where the students were rich and had all that they could ask for, not caring anymore for what they never would have or experience – like wondering if there would food on their tables for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

There was a shout of glee and she looked back to see the twins and the others already out of the Third Music Room, walking behind her.

"Wait for us, Haru-chan!!!" Hunny exclaimed and dragged Mori along, hurrying to their youngest member with a charming smile on his small face.

-

-

-

**END.**

-

-

-

**A/N:** Oh, okay. It seems pointless, ne? I'm sure it did. I don't know what happened here but I'll be posing this anyway – no point in letting it be just a filler in my computer's memory.


End file.
